Mark Twain

“I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.”

“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”

“Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.”

“The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice.”

“Necessity is the mother of taking chances.”

“It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.”

“God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.”

“Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.”

“Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.”

“Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”

“A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.”

“A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.”

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”