Jerry Seinfeld

“Nobody enjoys the 'little show about nothing' humor more than me, but that is never the way I look at it.”

“Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death.”

“A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.”

“We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.”

“To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.”

“I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.”

“Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there.”

“The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!”

“You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'”

“I love being a dad. I just love it.”

“It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.”

“That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.”

“There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.”