Fran Lebowitz

“You're only as good as your last haircut.”

“Food is an important part of a balanced diet.”

“There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.”

“Humility is no substitute for a good personality.”

“Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.”

“Andy Warhol made fame more famous.”

“Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure.”

“My favorite animal is steak.”

“My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airports, streets, hotel lobbies, parks, and department stores. Verbal exchanges between consenting adults in private are as of little interest to me as they probably are to them.”

“If you're going to America, bring your own food.”

“I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.”

“Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.”

“If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct.”

“Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass.”

“I must take issue with the term 'a mere child', for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult.”

“You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.”

“Polite conversation is rarely either.”