Karl Pilkington

“At the end of the day, teachers aren't going to mess about trying to make me into an Einstein, 'cause it was never gonna happen. We can't all be brainy, can we? That's just the way the world is.”

“People eat duck and you think, well, we've got loads of chickens, leave the ducks alone!”

“Chinese people age overnight.”

“Sometimes you can know too much. A lot of brainy people like Stephen Fry are quite depressive.”

“I had a bad experience doing public speaking at school. I had to talk about a pen for five minutes and it was really hard work. I couldn't wait to get off the stage.”

“It's not a joke: I really do like being at home.”

“Yesterday, I did some painting then went out to buy an onion and came home and watched 'University Challenge.' The onion was probably the highlight.”