Erma Bombeck

“Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.”

“Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.”

“It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.”

“Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.”

“Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.”

“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”

“For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.”

“Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.”