Ambrose Bierce

“Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.”

“The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.”

“Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.”

“Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.”

“Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.”

“Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.”

“Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.”

“Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.”

“We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect.”

“Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.”

“Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.”

“History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.”

“War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.”

“Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.”

“Liberty: One of Imagination's most precious possessions.”

“Doubt is the father of invention.”

“Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.”

“Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.”

“Insurance - an ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.”

“To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.”

“Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.”